what a feeling

heart vs. head

2005-10-20T11:02:25Z

i can't explain it. someone just told me,

"go where your heart is you'll never be lonely."

friends are always.

2005-10-17T22:11:10Z

i am so happy. i've been having the happiest time.

(thank you aj)

462187

2005-10-13T12:45:31Z

he laughs at my dreams

but i dream about his laughter.

dramadrama.

2005-10-10T01:41:46Z

dear journal,

i think boys are dumb.

love, ashley.

megan is sweet.

2005-10-08T18:33:56Z

lately things have been bad and good and sad and fun and dissapointing. but it's random days like this that keep me laughing,

dont pull on my hand boy

2005-10-02T18:28:27Z

everything is lousy.

if it weren't for my best friends, i would rip my head off.

187265394

2005-09-11T17:36:18Z

"and i think i'd miss you even if we'd never met."

sick to my heart

2005-08-27T05:15:38Z

i went to see jessica simpson last night.

it's amazing how much something can change overnight.

baby love

2005-08-23T00:27:22Z

instead of breaking up

let's do some kissing and making up.

he's wonderful.

2005-08-18T08:29:00Z

i'm really happy with how things are going!
the only thing getting me down is knowing in eleven days i have to wake up at 6am five days a week.

1.Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

you're perfect.

2005-08-13T05:25:40Z

i knew summer was over when i got the registration paper in the mail. but i think this has been the best summer i've ever had. everything is really good! my boyfriend and i are good (even though i've been a pain in the ass, he's dealed with it and i'm lucky) my friends are good. everything is good.

i think i changed more this summer then i ever have. i drifted with some people, but got closer with others. i made a lot of mistakes, but learned from all of them. i finally figured myself out (as of two days ago, hah) but that's a whole other story, that i won't start to tell.

i am forcing myself to get a job. soon.

rainy eyes

2005-08-12T00:27:25Z

i think possibly the worst feeling a person could have is knowing something is ruined and there's really nothing you can do about it. i feel stuck, because i can't make anything better no matter what i do or say. he's the only one for me. call me crazy, but i wouldn't feel right holding anybody else's hand or arguing with anyone else over what radio station we listen to. it's just one of those times where all you can do is wish. i feel extremely pathetic. but i'm not happy and i'm not good at pretending.

attention.

2005-07-28T16:58:35Z

i am in love with my boyfriend. really really in love. the lame 'he did, she did' rumor spreading can probably end now. it is getting ridiculous. (i didn't realize school was only a month away until i went to target and seen all of the school supplies. i want to do so much before summer is over! a month isn't as long as it should be.)

[current age ]: 16
[ loc ]: bay city
[ height ]: 5'2
[ siblings ]: 1 brother
[ Siblings age ]: 14
[ pets ]: too many, trust me
[ eye color ] : brown
[ hair color ] : brown
[ artistic? ] : right.
[ boyfriend/girlfriend now ]: boyfriend. a cute one, too.
[ color of your room]: pink and white stripes
[ what were u doing 15 mins ago ]: talking to janeyssa
[ u drink ]: no
[ u shy or outgoing ]: depends
[ had fun this summer ]: yes
[ feature you notice first ]: smile and eyes
[ looks/personality ]: personality
[ piercings ]: my belly button, but that's it
[ tan or fair ]: fair?
[ age difference limit]: i don't know
[ smart/dumb ]: smart
[funny/serious ]: whatever is appropriate at the time

MORE ABOUT ME ..
[ chocolate milk, or hot chocolate ]: chocolate milk
[ mcdonalds or burger king ]: or
[ coke or pepsi ]: coke
[ would you wanna marry your best friend or the perfect lover ]: my perfect love is my best friend
[ tea/coffee/cappuccino ]: cappcuccino
[ cats or dogs ]: cats
[ milk, dark, or white chocolate? ]: milk
[ sunny or rainy ]: depends on what i want to do that day
[ summer/spring ]: summer
[ bunk or water bed ]: water bed

RELATIONS ..
[ Best friends ]: jad hunter dyjak
[ close/good friends ]: megan, erin, becky adri janeyssa blahablah
[ Friends that you look like ]: zero
[ Who you go to for advice the most ]: jad or megan or erin
[ skinniest ]: adri
[ funniest ]: they are all funny
[ nicest ]: they are all nice
[ shortest ]: not erin! O:)
[ tallest ]: jad
[ changed your life the most ]: jad because he loves me even though i'm a pain in the ass.
[ color ]: green
[ movie ]: the notebook
[ subject ]: history
[ ocean or pool ]: pool
[ laugh or cry ]: laugh
[ silver or gold ]: gold
[ diamonds or pearls ]: diamonds
[ sunset or sunrise ]: sunset
[ showers or baths ]: baths
[ food ]: peanut butter and jelly
[ snack ]: goldfish crackers
[ board game ]: candyland
[ all-time song ]: i don't have a favorite song
[ holiday ]: 4th of july
[ movie star ]: rachel mcadams
[ magazine ]: glamour
[ brand of sneaker ]: who cares
[ fruit ]: strawberries
[ juice ]: grape

DO YOU ..?
[ do you like school ]: no
[ do you like to talk on the phone ]: with my love
[ do you have your own phone line ]: no
[ do you like to dance ]: yeah

LAST TIME YOU ..
[ last time u showered ]: like 2 hours ago
[ went running ]: hahahah
[ worked out ]: i attempt to every once in a while
[ danced like a frickin idiot ]: probably a few days ago
[ went to a movie ]: last friday
[ talked on the phone ]: 5 minutes ago with my mom?
[ wished u were sumbody else ]: no
[ where would you love to travel to? ]: italy
[ whats ur middle name? ]: elizabeth
[ is ur hair color natural? ]: yes
[ do u have a cell phone? ]: yes
[ whats ur online screen name ]: romanceerror
[ what do u want to do with your life?]: get a sweet job and marry my boyfriend and get out of michigan
[ last time u went to the doctor ]: i don't know, really
[ do u have a credit card ]: yeah right.
[ do u consider urself a "nice" person ]: most of the time
[ last book ]: true believer
[are u stressed out? ]: kindof
[ do u believe in angels? ]: i don't know
[ what are u driving now? ]: '97 cavalier
[ u help pay for it? ]: no
[ do you think your spoiled? ]: sometimes
[ do u like mustard? ]: i hate it
[ ever been skydiving? ]: not in this lifetime
[ number of piercings ]: one

LAST PERSON WHO?
[ Slept in your bed ]: me
[ Made you cry ]: myself
[ You shared a drink with ]: probably jad
[ You went to the movies with ]: jad
[ You went to the mall with ]: jad
[ Yelled at you ]: my brother
[ Said they were going to kill you ] nobody

HAVE YOU EVER ...
[ Said "I love you" and meant it? ]: everyday
[ Gotten in a fight]: not a physcial one
[ Been to New York? ]: yes
[ Been to Florida? ]: yes
[ California? ]: no
[ Hawaii? ]: i wish :(
[ Mexico? ]: no
[ China? ]: no
[ Canada? ]: yes
[ Danced naked? ] no
[Had a really bad feeling about something and then it happened]: yes
[ Wish you were the opposite sex? ]: sometimes
[Had an imaginary friend?]: no
[ red or blue? ]: blue
[ Spring or Fall? ]: fall
[ Santa or Rudolph? ]: yellow
[ Math or English? ]: english
[ What are you going to do after you finish this survey ]: probably eat
[ What was the last food you ate? ]: chocolate chip cookie
[ High school or college? ]: college
[ Are you bored? ]: apparently
[ Last noise you heard? ]: my dogs barking
[ Things you like about a boy ]: jad
[ What's on your mouse pad? ]: a puppy
[ Worst feeling in the world? ]: broken heart
[ What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? ]: jad
[ How many rings befor you answer?]: whenever i get to it
[ Future daughter's name ]: not sure
[ Future son's name? ]: see above
[ Chocolate or vanilla? ]: chocolate
[ Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? ]: my valentine puppy jad got me
[ If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? ]: an OB nurse
[ Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous? ]: righty
[Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? ]: no
[ What's under your bed?]: a sleeping bag and a scrapbook
[ Glasses/contacts ]: both. i'm a nerd
[ Are You Timely Or Always Late ]: mostly late
[ Do you have ajob? ]: no, but i despretly need one.
[ Do you Like Being Around People ]: depends who they are

I AM: in love
I WANT: some things to be like they used to be
I HAVE: 3 empty slurpee cups on my desk
I WISH: i wasn't so stubborn
I HATE: liars
I FEAR: really deep water
I WONDER: if i make him happy
I REGRET: a lotttttttttt
I LOVE: jadjadjajdjadjadajdadjda
I ALWAYS: clean my room, but mess it up 2 hours later
I AM: going to answer the phone now
I DANCE: when i'm sad
I CRY: very easily
I AM NOT ALWAYS: a brat
I LOSE: whatever it is i'm looking for

unfortunately.

2005-07-20T06:54:34Z

it's good to know who your real friends are.

(everybody is changing!)

jealousy.

2005-06-16T15:27:26Z

i heard this is the summer when everybody changes.

it's true.

best friends.

2005-06-06T03:21:08Z

summer is only 3 days away!

kiss and make up!

2005-05-26T03:49:25Z

because we're in love.

to be honest.

2005-05-19T03:32:29Z

i don't deserve somebody like him.

my miracle.

2005-05-11T22:27:26Z

things have been going good for me lately. well i like it. i don't take anything for granted anymore and i learn to just deal with things because the world doesn't revolve around me. only nineteen more days left of school! i'm excited. i'm not going anywhere sweet this summer, but that doesn't bother me because i have what i need here. sometimes i miss having a best friend like 98% of people usually have. my boyfriend is my best friend, really. (i love you!) but i mean a girl one. i realize that's kindof stupid. but it's one thing i'm lacking.

megan vanderpool where are you!

love's completely real.

2005-05-08T17:01:17Z

now i couldn't be happier.

i'm jealous of in lovers.

2005-05-05T02:06:18Z

well, i could be happier.

11:11

2005-05-03T02:54:25Z

i wish a lot. i really do and it's dissapointing because who ever gets everything they wish for?

where are you summer! (twenty six days mm) i'm so exicted for bathing suits, hot sand, and popsicles.

happy birthday erin thompson! (you're now legal to have a boyfriend.)

this shit is bananas

2005-04-30T23:24:33Z

well everything is back to normal. i have my love back and i couldn't be any more happier!

i swear i won't ever wish for anything more then this.

mean it goddamnit.

2005-04-28T22:07:26Z

i just typed out everything i was feeling. but i deleted it because i figured it would just be a big mistake.

i pinky swore myself that from now on i'm not going to live my life stressing over things that i have no control over. if things are meant to be, they will get better. if not, at least i can say that i tried with everything i had. you can't force love. trust me i've learned that.

i do realize that is probably the corniest thing i've ever said. but it's who i am today.

9 things that you love
1. being in love
2. forehead kisses
3. my best friends
4. bathing suits
5. peanut butter
6. thunderstorms
7. not liars
8. hat boxes
9. affection

8 things you wear daily
1. britney spears curious perfume
2. my bow ring
3. hairspray
4. flip flops
5. a flower in my hair
6. shirts pants underwear, you know
7. mascara
8. not eyeliner

7 things that annoy you
1. liars
2. the fact that i have nothing better to do then this thing
3. my 1st and 5th block teacher
4. feeling sad
5. not falling asleep until 12:30 every night
6. people who take you for granted
7. the fact that my house is basically an animal shelter (3 dogs? 6 cats? i make my point)

6 things your looking forward to
1. hot weather
2. being ungodly happy everyday of my life
3. sleeping in until 11a.m for three months
4. getting no D's on my report card
5. driving whenever i want to
6. being independant

5 things you're afraid of
1. having a mental breakdown
2. the truth
3. people dieing
4. spiders and ladybugs
5. being used

4 things that are on your desk
1. three fake flowers in a pink and white striped vase
2. invitations
3. two empty cans of dr. pepper and one empty water bottle
4. a picture of me and jad

3 movies you could watch over and over again
1. the notebook
2. ladder 49
3. a lot like love

2 of your favorite songs at the moment
1. listen to your heart - still yet to know who sings it
2. against all odds - the postal service

1 person that you could spend the rest of your life with
1. jad.

go megan :*

2005-04-26T19:13:28Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN!

lately i feel like i've just been too clingy. you'll never understand.
FIRSTS:
Best Friend: andrea (somethingg. i dont remember her last name eek)
Real Kiss: no comment, really.
Self-purchased Album: backstreet boys
Pet: dog named max
Real Love: jad
Music you remember hearing in your house: i have no idea?

LASTS:
Kiss: jad!
Movie Seen: a lot like love
Beverage drank: dr. pepper
Food consumed: peanut butter icecream
Present Crush: jad
Last Phone Call: becky i thinkkk.
Last Shoes Worn: pink sparkely shoes
Last Item Bought: flip flops from target :*

RELATIONSHIPS:
Who are your very best friends?: JAD!, megan, adri, becky & erinnn
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes, an amazing boyfriend.

SPECIFICS:
Do you do drugs?: no i don't
What kind of shampoo do you use?: dove :*
What are you most scared of?: losing my mind.
What are you listening to right now?: how could an angel break my heart
Where do you want to get married?: by the water somewhere pretty.
How many buddies are online right now?: 50
Whats one thing you would change about yourself?: to be not so needy.

FAVORITES:
Color: green
Food: french fries and watermelon sour patches
Boys' names: i don't know. i don't like boys names.
Girls' names: madaline or kennedy. something like that.
Subjects: history
Perfume: britney spears curious :*

HAVE YOU EVER:
Taken a bath with someone: yes
Skinny dipped: nope.
Lied: to a few people.
Fallen for your best friend: no but i love all my best friends.
Been rejected: yes
Rejected someone: yes
Used someone: no
Done something you regret: yes. a lot of things.

CURRENT:
Clothing: boxers and a hoodie
Music: this is not an exit - saves the day
Annoyance: wondering but not knowing.
Smell: sweet pea lotion
DVD in player: the notebook

LAST PERSON:
Hugged: jad
IMed: megan

ARE YOU:
Open-minded: i guess i try to be.
Arrogant: sometimes.
Interesting: i think i can be.
Moody: more then anyone i know.
Organized: no not really.
Hardworking: half of the time.
Healthy: i'm pretty healthy.
Attractive: i could name 52 things i don't like about myself. i'm a girl?
Bored: very.
Responsible: when i want to be.
Obsessed: over certain things.
Sad: right now, yes. usually, no.
Disappointed: kindof. actually, yeah. i am
Hyper: i get hyper for at least thiry minutes everyday.
Trusting: yes.
Talkative: when i want to be.
Who do you wanna look like?: just myself.
All I need is: friends, affection, music, boyfriend
Last person you danced with: i don't knowww
Who makes you laugh?: megan, my boyfriend, erin
Who makes you smile?: my friends, jad
Who gives you a funny feeling when you see them?: becky because i only see her like once every 2 months.

NUMBER:
Of times I have had my heart broken: once i think.
Of hearts I have broken: maybe one. or two. but that's it.
Of girls I've kissed: zero
Of CDs I own: like forty